Forget about all of the romantic movies you have seen where couples give up everything for love – that’s not the way it’s supposed to be. If you try that in this part of the world, you will live a life of regrets.
If you find someone who truly cares about you and respects you, then they won’t expect you to give up certain pieces of yourself for them. If they do, then you have permission to tell them to hit the road.
I know this sounds harsh but I’m tired of hearing stories that touch the heart from Nigerian women who give up their careers, family members, friends, and businesses for men. Any man who wants to cut off you from the things that you love is an abuser waiting to manifest.
There are just certain things that a woman should never give up for a man no matter how much she loves him. The problem is that when you tell these women not to give up things dear to them for men and marriage, they see you as their enemy. They start avoiding you.
But when trouble starts, they will run back to you and start whining about how they gave up everything for their husbands and these men didn’t value their sacrifices. That is when you will start hearing different tales of woes that you didn’t ask for. When will Nigerian women learn? When will they realize that being in relationships doesn’t mean losing themselves?
Listed below are some things Nigerian women shouldn’t give up for men no matter how much they crave companionship. In most cases, women who gave up these things regretted it years later because it ended in premium tears. Love is not wicked. Love is not control. Abuse is not love. The earlier women know this, the better for them.
Believe it or not, you don’t have to sacrifice your career in order to have a thriving love life. It’s entirely possible for a woman to work in the daytime and spend quality time with her man in the evening. If your partner tries to convince you to quit a job you adore, you should let him know that your job means a lot to you and you will leave him before you leave your job.
You shouldn’t spend every hour of the day with your boyfriend. I cringe when some ladies tell me that their boyfriends or husbands banned them from having friends. How can another human being tell you to stay away from the people who have been in your life before he appeared and you agree? Keep your friends, they will probably still be around when that man isn’t.
Don’t give up your values and morals for a man. If you are against drug use, don’t date someone who pressures you to smoke weed. If you’re a strong supporter of women’s rights, don’t date a misogynist or a sexist. You don’t have to have the same exact morals as your man does, but you shouldn’t give up your beliefs in order to support his.
You shouldn’t give up all of your independence once you enter a relationship. Financially, you should be able to support yourself, just in case you two ever break up. Physically, you should be able to change a tire and start your generator without his help. He won’t always be around, you know.
Your identity is who you are. Don’t change your personality in order to impress your partner, either. After all, opposites attract. That means you don’t have to give up who you are just to suit what he wants all the time. This is a recipe for disaster. The day you decide to stand your ground, problem will start. Don’t change the good side of you because you want to keep a man in your life.
Some ladies don’t wear the dresses they want to wear because their men don’t like it. They can’t make the hairstyles they love because their boyfriends or husbands will complain. You shouldn’t change your style in order to impress him. Looks aren’t everything, and if he thinks they are, then you should find yourself someone a little less shallow. You are a human being not a toy that should be controlled left, right and centre.
Don’t lose your self respect over a man. Your boyfriend is supposed to be your partner, not your boss. If he orders you to do something you know is supposed to be done by him, you have a right to tell him to take care of it himself. Never allow a man to talk down to you. If he doesn’t respect you, then he has no business dating you. And don’t marry a disrespectful man either, he won’t change after marriage. Don’t deceive yourself.
If that man you are dating is sucking happiness out of you, let him go. He’s not the only man on earth. Your partner is supposed to make you happy and secure. Naturally, you are bound to have a few fights, but if he ends up ruining your life more than he enhances it, then there’s no reason to keep him around. You need to find someone who has the ability to brighten your darkest days.
When I see ladies who put up with men who verbally, physically and emotionally abuse them, I pity them. I mean, you are in a relationship to enjoy love, peace, companionship and good sex but a man is treating you badly. You still go ahead to celebrate him all the time on social media claiming he brings out the best in you. Are you a rag or a doormat?
Dear ladies, no matter how much this society sells the idea that you have to give up your dreams for a relationship or marriage, please don’t do that. You and your partner should be a team working side by side to achieve not only your couple goals but also your individual dreams. This idea of women becoming useless to themselves after marriage is not worth it.
You shouldn’t give up your dreams for the sake of a relationship. A relationship should be a spring board from which to chase your dreams rather than a place that keeps you chained and disillusioned. Jealous and insecure partners try to stifle a creative, passionate mind and keep their talented partner where they feel they can maintain control. If this sounds like your relationship, realize this is unhealthy. Happy relationships encourage individual growth and help the people in it to move forward and progress rather than stagnate them.